Beginning Again: Confession and the Rhythm of Renewal

MAGGIE: Mom going to confession has had me thinking about my own confession.

FATHER SAL: That sounds dangerous.

MAGGIE: Very funny. I was trying to remember the last time I went. I think it was six or seven weeks ago.

FATHER SAL: Why so long?

MAGGIE: Nothing dramatic. Kids. Soccer. Groceries. Somebody gets sick. Saturday comes and there are twelve things happening. Sunday comes and I think, “I should have gone yesterday.” Then another week disappears.

FATHER SAL: So you intend to go. You just don’t have a rhythm.

MAGGIE: I guess not.

FATHER SAL: That might be the first thing to fix.

‍

Make Confession a Rhythm

MAGGIE: How often am I supposed to go?

FATHER SAL: The Church requires us to confess serious sins once a year, but the spiritual masters recommend regular confession even when we aren’t conscious of mortal sin.

MAGGIE: What would you recommend for me?

FATHER SAL: Once a month?

MAGGIE: Really? Why so often?

FATHER SAL: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Regular confession isn’t just about cleaning up after something goes badly wrong. It gives grace for the ordinary battle of the Christian life.

MAGGIE: So put it on the calendar?

FATHER SAL: Exactly. Make it part of your normal routine.

MAGGIE: That doesn’t sound very spiritual.

FATHER SAL: There’s spontaneous spirituality and disciplined spirituality. This is more the latter. Prayer, exercise, Sunday Mass, dinner with your family—important things become easier when they have a rhythm.

MAGGIE: Okay. But I have another problem.

FATHER SAL: Which is?

MAGGIE: When I do go, I feel like I’m always confessing the same things.

FATHER SAL: Good.

MAGGIE: Good?

FATHER SAL: Not good that you commit them. Good that you know what they are.

‍

Get Curious About the Patterns

FATHER SAL: What do you usually confess?

MAGGIE: Impatience with the kids. Getting irritated with my husband. Wasting time on my phone. Sometimes gossip. Being distracted in prayer.

FATHER SAL: And those keep coming back?

MAGGIE: Yes. Which makes me wonder whether I’m making any progress.

FATHER SAL: Or maybe you’re discovering where your battles are.

MAGGIE: Meaning?

FATHER SAL: You’re not a random collection of sins. You’re a particular person with a temperament, habits, fears, desires, strengths and weaknesses. Certain temptations are going to recur.

MAGGIE: So confessing the same sins doesn’t necessarily mean I’m failing?

FATHER SAL: No more than anyone else. But recurring sins are worth getting curious about.

MAGGIE: How?

FATHER SAL: Take the impatience with your kids. When does it usually happen?

MAGGIE: Mornings. Trying to get everybody out the door.

FATHER SAL: When you’re running late?

MAGGIE: Usually.

FATHER SAL: And what happens inside you when you realize you’re late?

MAGGIE: I feel out of control.

FATHER SAL: There you are.

MAGGIE: So underneath the impatience is my desire for control?

FATHER SAL: Maybe. And here’s an interesting question: when you lose your patience, do you gain control or lose it?

MAGGIE: I’m trying to gain control of the situation, but I lose control of myself.

FATHER SAL: Isn’t that just like sin? It promises us something good and then fails to keep the promise.

MAGGIE: So what do I do with that?

FATHER SAL: Ask a simple question: What is this sin doing for me?

MAGGIE: What do you mean?

FATHER SAL: Sin usually promises us some real good in the wrong way. Control can promise security. Gossip can make us feel important. People-pleasing can make us feel loved. Endless scrolling can give novelty or escape. Anger can make us feel powerful.

MAGGIE: So, “What am I getting out of this?”

FATHER SAL: Exactly. Then you can begin looking for a better way to seek whatever good you were actually hungry for.

MAGGIE: That sounds a lot deeper than making a list of sins.

FATHER SAL: Sometimes it should be. But don’t turn every venial sin into a psychological excavation project either.

MAGGIE: So which is it? Dig deeper or don’t?

FATHER SAL: Here’s a simple rule: Recurring sins deserve curiosity. One-off sins usually just need repentance.

MAGGIE: I like that.

‍

Pay Attention Every Day

MAGGIE: But how do I notice the patterns in the first place?

FATHER SAL: A short daily examination.

MAGGIE: At night?

FATHER SAL: If that works for you.

MAGGIE: It doesn’t. By the time the kids are in bed, I’m done.

FATHER SAL: Then do it in the morning. You already pray then.

MAGGIE: I can examine yesterday the next morning?

FATHER SAL: God will allow it.

MAGGIE: Good to know.

FATHER SAL: Take the first two or three minutes of prayer and look back. Where was God at work yesterday? Where did I respond well? Where did I resist grace? Where did I sin? How can I respond better today?

MAGGIE: Two or three minutes?

FATHER SAL: You’re developing awareness, not preparing the annual report of your soul.

MAGGIE: And then when confession comes around, I’m not sitting in the parking lot trying to reconstruct the last month.

FATHER SAL: Exactly. Your daily examination feeds your regular confession. And over time you begin to notice not only your sins, but how God is working in you and where he seems to be inviting you to grow.

‍

From the Head to the Heart

MAGGIE: There’s something else I notice sometimes.

FATHER SAL: What?

MAGGIE: I confess something because I know it’s wrong, but honestly, I don’t always feel that sorry about it.

FATHER SAL: Interesting.

MAGGIE: Is that a bad confession?

FATHER SAL: I don't see why. Remember, contrition is an act of the will, not an emotion. You don’t have to make yourself feel terrible.

MAGGIE: That’s reassuring.

FATHER SAL: Feeling awful about your sin isn’t the goal. The question is whether you recognize that what you did was contrary to love of God and neighbor, whether you are sorry for choosing it and whether you genuinely want to turn away from it.

MAGGIE: Even if I don’t feel much?

FATHER SAL: Yes.

MAGGIE: So heartfelt confession doesn’t mean emotional confession.

‍

Let Someone Know You

FATHER SAL: Exactly. One more question. Do you usually confess to the same priest?

MAGGIE: No. Whoever happens to be hearing confessions.

FATHER SAL: Nothing wrong with that. But if you have the opportunity, there’s real value in a regular confessor.

MAGGIE: Because he gets to know me?

FATHER SAL: Exactly.

MAGGIE: I’m not sure that’s a selling point.

FATHER SAL: A good confessor can begin recognizing patterns you don’t see. If one priest hears about your impatience this month, another hears about your need for control next month and another hears something related two months later, each gets a snapshot.

MAGGIE: But one priest might see the movie.

FATHER SAL: Exactly.

MAGGIE: So I need to find some incredibly holy old priest?

FATHER SAL: I’d settle for a faithful, well-formed priest with experience, good judgment and a decent prayer life. In short, someone you trust.

MAGGIE: And if he’s not available?

FATHER SAL: Go to confession anyway. Don’t turn your regular confessor into another excuse not to go.

MAGGIE: Fair enough.

Maggie pulled out her phone.

FATHER SAL: What are you doing?

MAGGIE: Checking three Saturdays from now.

FATHER SAL: Three?

MAGGIE: If I schedule it for three weeks, I’m more likely to actually go once a month.

Father Sal smiled.

MAGGIE: You know, I started this conversation thinking confession was just something I needed to get around to.

FATHER SAL: And now?

MAGGIE: Now it sounds more like part of learning what God is doing in my life—and responding to it.

FATHER SAL: That’s much closer.

MAGGIE: Nothing very dramatic, then.

FATHER SAL: No, I suppose not.

He nodded toward her phone.

FATHER SAL: Sometimes holiness is simply learning to return sooner.

‍